Oh wait. From the Oz:

Oldfield’s sex stunt backfires
Tracy Ong
March 29, 2007

FORMER One Nation adviser David Oldfield last night failed a lie detector test that he offered to take in a bid to dispel claims by his former boss Pauline Hanson that they slept together.

The war of words between the alleged former lovers is set to escalate, after Mr Oldfield claimed Ms Hanson spent just $8000 of more than $75,000 donated to One Nation.

Mr Oldfield approached the Seven Network’s Today Tonight to take the test but reportedly delayed testing for two hours to argue how the inevitable sex question would be worded.

When he was finally asked whether he had had sex with Ms Hanson and said “no”, he failed, the polygraph showing “a definite indication of being deceptive on that particular question”.

In her upcoming autobiography Untamed and Unashamed, Ms Hanson claims she was seduced into a two-week affair by Mr Oldfield over a home-cooked meal at the modest Sundown Village Motel in Canberra in 1996.

He has denied the affair all week, claiming she is trying to drum up sales of her book.

But Mr Oldfield told Today Tonight last night he did not care about failing the sex question, brandishing an undated electoral return he said proved Ms Hanson spent just $8000 of $75,284 donated in one year to One Nation.

“If I’m stuck with the label of not being entirely truthful about Pauline Hanson and having sex, if that’s what this test is going to stick me with for the rest of my life, I don’t care,” he said.

Ms Hanson was sentenced to three years’ jail for electoral fraud in Queensland in 2003, but acquitted and released three months later.

Neither alleged sex partner is new to a stunt. Since quitting state parliament last year, Mr Oldfield has appeared as a contestant on Celebrity Survivor, while Ms Hanson was a surprise runner-up in the first series of Dancing with the Stars.

Incidentally, this report from The Age manages to juggle the twin task of calling for a bit of decorum in reportage of these salacious events while simultaneously engaging in fallacious innuendo. Oh, Vicar!

Please explain why we need to know

Pauline Hanson’s claim that she and David Oldfield had sex sends Daniel Burt into a cold sweat.

I DON’T WANT TO SEE politicians making war, but I sure as hell don’t want to see them making love. That’s why I pray that there’s no video evidence of David Oldfield putting his crabstick in Pauline Hanson’s deep fryer.

The details are in her new book, a sort of Mills and Boon meets Mein Kampf. It chronicles their alleged steamy nights together under white, white sheets, (denied by Oldfield) experimenting with policy positions and, oh, who the hell cares what?

Politicians should have as much sex as is legal. They can even do it with other people. Just don’t tell us about it. French pollies keep that stuff to themselves because it’s commonplace; ours should because it’s disgusting.

But if we must hear about such dalliances, can they at least be exciting and cause for pride? Pauline had her dinner cooked and they went to bed. Pathetic. I want a campaign poster that reads: “Vote for me - I had a threesome!”

Also, extramarital affairs should be compulsory. Think of the organisational skills required to pull one off. If you can survive getting caught mid-thrust, maybe we can use your exit strategies for Iraq.

Perhaps Pauline had to tell all before Laurie Oakes told it for her. No one in Canberra has sex without his knowledge. So he buys up all the condoms and then sells them at inflated prices in the parliament lobby.

If sex scandals were report cards, Australia’s would read: “Shows promise but must try harder.” No offence to the Queensland redneck and her geek, but they’re motel embrace won’t sell magazines; they’ll sell sick bags. On the other hand, I would pay to watch Bobby Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe have sex. Yes, even when dead.

The book will be launched by Alan Jones.. Questions will be taken, and some of them will be understood. Questions will probably focus on Pauline’s sexual revelations, such as: “Were there witnesses and, if so, are they OK?”

Scandal is the only reason some people even hear of politicians. Just think of Senator Santoro, Kelvin Thomson and that other guy. Confession equals coverage. So if your new policy is that you’re into further education, you’ll first have to say that you’re into leather.

These stories should be no surprise. Politicians love power and conquest, and no act better embodies these dynamics than sex. Screaming at each other across the floor is the middle-aged bald man’s idea of impressing a girl. The only problem is that girl is Amanda Vanstone.

Most pollies are men and, strangely, they love to gossip. If you have a liaison with one, your secret is safe with him, his chief of staff, media adviser, tea lady and Laurie Oakes. He doesn’t tell the cute intern, though. That might ruin his chances with her.

Full parliamentary disclosure is something expected of share interests, not love interests. But politicians’ infidelity will be of concern so long as they bang on about values.